What is Anxiety?

Anxiety. For many people, they mean worrying. For me and many like me, it’s so much more than that. The main reason I started this blog was to bring awareness to anxiety, encourage others that have it, and to drop the stigma that if you have anxiety you are somehow weaker than others without.

For the better part of my life, I have been diagnosed with anxiety.  Something that for a long time I didn’t want to admit I had. Something that took years for me to get over the stigma and realize it’s okay to have anxiety. What’s not okay is allowing anxiety to control me.

Growing up, I spent a few days in the hospital. I thought I was having a seizure, but after going to the Doctor they responded with stress. 8th grade. Stress. That doesn’t sound correct, does it? Yet, as I go along my journey with anxiety I fully believe those were panic attacks. Jr. High, the time in every girls’ life where cliques and bullying seem to shine, am I right? You see, my body just didn’t know how to handle conflict, stress, and to simply put it: fear.

To be honest, I hate when people say “Oh, I have anxiety about this.” No, friend, you are worrying. Are you about to throw up? Are your palms sweating so bad you are afraid to shake anyone’s hand? Are you having trouble breathing correctly? Do you feel like the walls are caving in on you and if you don’t get out of that room asap you’ll faint? If you answer no to all of those, you’re worrying. Just my little PSA.

So what is anxiety exactly?

Anxiety is unanswered texts and phone calls.

Anxiety is being afraid to answer for fear of what to say or do.

Anxiety is walking into a room and immediately searching for all the exits and choosing your spot according to the exits in case something wrong happens.

Anxiety is hearing someone teasing you and immediately thinking they hate you.

Anxiety is checking the weather because if it is not perfect conditions you’re not sure you can drive.

Anxiety is driving, palms sweaty, looking at every car wondering if they’ll cause an accident.

Anxiety is only saying yes to outings when you know who will be there and where it will be held.

Anxiety is locking yourself in the bathroom, just to cry, because sometimes life just gets a little too overwhelming and you can’t take it all in.

Anxiety is waking up at 2 AM with the constant fear that you forgot to do something or rethinking what someone said earlier that day.

Anxiety shows up in being nit-picky.

Anxiety comes across as being controlling.

Anxiety is wanting to be productive, but you’re so terrified you’ll mess up or it won’t be perfect that you end up just binge-watching Netflix all day. This, in turn, depresses you because you know you’re better than that.

Anxiety is over-thinking.

Anxiety is being in constant pain, between your shoulder blades, because you’ve been tense all day and night.

For me, anxiety shows up is perfectionism. It’s living my life trying to be absolutely perfect. Now, I know I can never be perfect, but that side-kick of mine fully believes you can be darn close. Anxiety is something many believe controls them, but in actuality, you can control anxiety. Now, when I first heard that I laughed. I said, “You’re joking, right? Do you honestly believe I want to be curled up in a ball, on my bathroom floor, crying having a full-on panic attack? Not breathing? Terrified this may just be the death of me?”

Now, as I go along my journey I realize something my rock star of a therapist already knew. Anxiety has a ton to do with your mindset. Do you go into the situation feeling like you’ll throw up? Or do you self-talk yourself? Do you tell yourself God has your back and do you actually believe that statement? Now, I’m not saying, self-talk and all your problems will go away. What I am saying is that there are tools out there that can make anxiety almost nonexistent.

Some people are wired to have more anxiety than others. (I’m raising both my hands!) Yet, the Lord gave us such a powerful tool: self-control. My all-time favorite verse, I call it my life verse, is 2 Timothy 1:7 “For you are given not a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-control.”

Wow! Now, if that verse doesn’t tell you God doesn’t want you hindered by anxiety and worry I don’t know what does. So while the devil will try to bog us down with anxiety remember that God is in control and is only a prayer away.

*Be on the lookout for the next part in my series about anxiety*