Dear Husband, Thanks For Loving Me With Anxiety

We vowed to be together til God calls us home. We promised to get drunk watching movies and wake up the next morning eating Taco Bell in bed together. You laugh at my jokes, even though you don’t find them near as funny as I do. You make yourself interested in Harry Potter, simply because I’m obsessed. My love, you chose me and for that, I’ll be forever grateful.

Now, when we got married and Pastor said, “For better or worse, till death do you part” you probably didn’t think about my anxiety. The thing that I allow to take over me, at times. What can sometimes make our date nights turn into fight nights. I mean, anxiety can cool the jets quicker than throwing cold water on you in the shower. You probably didn’t fully realize what marrying someone with mental health issues meant.

You see, you’ve seen me bawling in the bathroom, curled up, unable to breathe. You’ve been on the phone with me, doing your best to calm me down, yet I’m freaking in the car because the rain just got a little heavier than I think I can handle. You’ve coaxed me out of bed in the mornings, telling me I have to get up when we both know I just don’t want to. You see my face go white and my breath get heavy and come over to hold my hand reminding me quietly, so no one else sees, that it’s going to be okay.

I know I don’t always thank you. Wrapped up in my anxiety and thoughts, I forget you deal with my anxiety too. You may not be having the panic attack, but you’re a part of it just the same. You’re holding me, helping me stay calm and focusing on the present. In turn, I take that anxiety, that fear, and I throw it onto you. I make it, not just my problem, but yours. Which isn’t okay, so from my heart to yours, thank you.

Thank you for:

Pushing me to believe I’m better than anxiety.

Hugging me when I’m bawling on the bathroom floor.

Fighting for me and helping me to remember that I’m not worthless like perfectionism says I am.

Saying you love me ten times a day simply because my perfectionism doesn’t believe you the first nine times.

Pushing me to go to therapy.

Always being optimistic.

Forgiving me time and time again when I let anxiety take over.

So, from my heart to yours, thank you. Thank you for being a perfect example of what a Christian, selfless spouse should look like. Thank you for loving me and in the words of Kevin Durant, “You’re the real MVP.”

Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. You can find a therapist anywhere in the United States here.