How to Take Control of Your Social Anxiety

You ever go to a party or event and get anxious? Who will be there? What are we doing? Where will we be going and for how long? Or maybe you hate giving presentations at work or at an event with friends. The feeling of people watching you, potentially critiquing you is nerve-wracking. What about dating? You consider yourself a wallflower because going up to that guy or gal and saying, “Hey!” is completely unheard of. If in fact, you find yourself in these scenarios you, my friend, may have a form of social anxiety.

In order to be diagnosed, it needs to be crippling and last longer than six months. Yet, while many of us are not diagnosed, we can all have a form of it. For me, it comes out in attending get togethers with friends. You’ll find that I host a ton of the parties and events my friends and I do.

Why?

Because I can control it.

I can control who comes, what activities are happening, and if things get crazy I can SHUT. IT. DOWN. Also, I can hide my social anxiety with getting things ready, picking up, making sure food is out etc. I mask my anxiety with keeping busy and making sure people are having a good time. Now, do I seem outgoing and fun at these parties? Why yes! First, because I am having fun with loved ones, but also because I control the entire event. (For the most part!)

Now, there are times where I am not hosting and we go somewhere else. Those times, I have to get over my fear. My fear of: What will happen? Who will be there? What will they think of me? What if I do something weird, strange, or just down right insane? Will they find it funny or awkward? What if I am awkward?

Do you see how the spiral effect happens? It’s not pretty.

While it can be ugly sometimes, I’m going to share with you ways I cope with my social anxiety. I pray that these will be a blessing to you.

Ways to Cope with Social Anxiety

1. Self talk: This is big one. How are you speaking to yourself about the event? Are you telling yourself people will be staring, they’ll think you’re dumb, etc? If so, get it out now! That only hinders you. While you may not believe it, tell yourself you’ll have a great time and you’ll make new friends who uplift you. Instead of saying, “People will care what I say and not like it.” Say, “Some people may love what I say and others may not and that’s okay.”  If you struggle with self-talk, go get the book: What You Say When You Talk to Yourself. You’ll thank yourself later.
2. Relaxation: Listen, you won’t be playing relaxing music on your phone, during a party, to calm yourself. I mean you can, but you don’t have to. Instead, when you’re standing around just do some deep breathing. Here is a great video on how to accomplish an effective deep breathing exercise. Practice at home so when you get into an anxious situaton it comes natural to you.
3. Prayer: This is self-explainatory. Sit down and talk with the Man who created you. Any worry that you lay at His feet will be met with compassion and care.
4. Deep Breathing: Practice deep breathing when you are not anxious so that it becomes easier in the moment. When you feel anxious, take a few deep breaths to calm your heart rate.
5. Tough Love: Alright, this may or may not work for you. For me, at the time, I hate it. Yet, once I take a breath I realize it’s exactly what I need sometimes. Find someone you trust, that knows you struggle with social situations, and ask them to be your “tough love” buddy. In my case, it’s my husband. There are times we get invited to someone’s house or event and I get anxious. I go off on one of my tangents about what could go wrong or just silly things that don’t matter. When I get like this I need my husband to tell me to suck it up. Yes, it sounds harsh. It isn’t. Why? Because I know he’s doing it out of love. You see, he’s reminding me I’m bigger than my fear. I’m bigger than my anxiety that someone may not like me or may not like what I say or how I act. He is also reminding me that I have someone right there who will make sure, if the world ends like I think it will he’ll take me home and we can do something else.

Advice for the “Tough Love” buddy: 

Your friend may ask you to be that person. What an honor! People who struggle with social anxiety are not into sharing they have social anxiety so take it as an honor they consider you a trusted friend. When you are put into a tough love moment, do so with grace and compassion. They are freaking out on the inside. They won’t ask for the tough love moment because they don’t think they need one. You need to step in. Don’t let them and their fear win. Now, do you pumle them with toughness and nasty comments? No! Your tough love comes out in reminders that they are stronger, bigger, and better than any fear they have in their mind.

A trick my husband always does is asks a ton of questions. If you know Preston you know what I mean. You see, he makes me speak outloud my fears. Once spoken, I often times realize how silly they sound and get over my fear. Other times, we go through worst-case scenarios and discuss how we woud handle it if they come up. In the end, I realize I’m way stronger than I believe and I also have someone who won’t let me fall.

Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. You can find a therapist anywhere in the United States here. This post contains affiliate links. You can read my disclosure here.