4 Personality Styles That Keep Anxiety Alive

Did you know that there are different aspects of your personality that can keep your anxiety alive and kicking? Oh, you didn’t? Neither did I! Until I started to learn more about my mental health did I realize that I was contributing to the problem. Oops!

Now, these personality traits you may have picked up from a relative or friend growing up. For example, maybe you get anxious about bad weather because every time it stormed you watched your mom get anxious. She didn’t realize it was anxiety and neither did you. You just saw her acting a certain way so you mimicked that action. Another way you could have these traits is just by nature. You may be wired to think differently than someone else. Whichever way you got these traits is totally cool. What’s not cool is knowing they promote your anxiety in a negative way and not doing something about it!

*This post uses affiliate links that help make Imperfectly Perfect Living possible, at no extra cost to you. You can find more information here.*

4 Personality Styles

There are four different styles that help your anxiety stay alive. They include:

• Perfectionism
• Excessive need for approval
• Tendency to ignore signs of physical and mental stress
• Excessive need for control

I’m going to take these styles and break them down for you. What they look like, how they come across, and how to combat them so they no longer hinder you.

Perfectionism

Oh perfectionism, my middle name. Perfectionism comes out in being too critical of yourself. Your expectations are so high that only Jesus could attain it. Yet, don’t get me wrong, you fully think you can reach it. If you don’t, well you might as well just stay in bed for the whole day. Feeling this sense of always needing to be 100% can leave you feeling burnt out. The more perfect you think you have to be, the more anxious you become.

How to combat this?

First, you need to change your thinking style. For example, instead of saying “I can’t make a mistake.” Turn it into, “I will do my best.” You need to remove the idea that if one little thing goes wrong the whole ship is sunk. You then need to focus on the positive. One thing perfectionism is great at is telling you everything you did wrong, yet never telling you what went right. Anytime you find yourself thinking negative, make yourself think of three positive things happening at that very moment. At first, it’ll feel like the death of you, but trust me it gets easier as time goes on.

Excessive Need For Approval

Anyone else feel this pain? The feeling that for some reason the person you’ve only met once must like you or you aren’t good enough. Anyone? or just me? You feel you need to conform to others’ needs and yours end up going unnoticed. Saying no to someone is terrifying to you and you find yourself struggling to set boundaries for your social and work life. Not putting your needs at the forefront can often lead to frustration and resentment.

How to combat this?

Again, your thinking style needs to change. Instead of walking into a room and thinking, “Everyone needs to like me. If they aren’t friendly it’s because I did something wrong.” You need to walk in saying, “I’m going to be the best version of me and the right people will love me. If they don’t, there is a reason they don’t need to be in my life.” I know we live in a society that says, “Love everyone and if you don’t you’re a horrible person.” Now, should we be kind and respectful to everyone? Yes, but do we have to be best friends, braid each other’s hair, with everyone? No. And that’s okay! You are not a horrible person!

Lastly, how are you handling criticism? Are you having it make or break you? Or are you letting it roll off your shoulders? If you’re me, you struggle with this one. Yet, what you need to remember are three simple rules. One, are you evaluating the source? Is this source reliable about this particular subject? Second, ask them for more details. Don’t just let them say something rude and walk away. Ask them why they feel that way and dig deeper. You may find it has nothing to do with you in the first place, they just chose you to express their anger on. Third, is it valid? Is what they are saying actually holding any weight? Or are they just a nasty person who needs some Jesus in their life?

Tendency to ignore signs of physical and mental stress

Raise your hand if this screams you?! Me too! I’m the first to admit that sometimes my self-care routine goes unchecked. I find myself busy with life and next thing I know it’s been forever since I’ve scanned my body for signs of stress. Many people have stress come out in many different ways. For example, you may have sore shoulders, your hair falls out, you get acne, you get cold sores, or maybe you get down right rude to people for no reason. You need to do a mental scan of your body and figure out what those traits are. Once you do, you can figure out how to combat them.

How to combat this?

There are many different ways you can combat these symptoms, but I’m going to give you just a few of my favorite. First, exercise. Yes, I know it can stink and you’re tired, but honestly a 20 minute walk can do wonders for your anxiety. Second, take a mini-break throughout the day. For example, if you know you’ll have a stressful afternoon at work take five minutes in your lunch break to do mediation or say a prayer. Third, your diet. How are you eating? Are you eating healthy or are you downing a bag of Cheetos because your anxiety is telling you that’ll make you feel better? Lastly, give your worries to Christ. How often are you praying about your anxiety? Your worries? Whenever you find yourself anxious, lift up that anxiety to God. He’s right there, might as well use Him.

Excessive Need For Control

First time I read this, I literally laughed out loud. I’m a sucker for control. You want everything to be predictable. All your bases have to be covered and then covered again, just in case. You simply just can’t let things go. That song from Frozen is not your mantra. At least, not yet. I’m a work in progress on this one, I don’t know about you.

How to combat this?

This one, I feel, will take the most time. Why? Because you have to learn all new habits. You have to learn to be patient with the process. You have to learn that it’s okay to not have everything go a certain way. It’s okay if something happens and messes up the plan. That’s called life. Lastly, you need to simply let go of the negative and let God replace it with a peace and understanding that only He can provide.

What Now?

Now that you know these four styles you need to figure out where you fall. Where do you see your anxiety shining through? Take five or ten minutes or however long and figure that out. Once you do, set up a plan to take back control. This won’t change overnight, but by taking a small step here you’ll see a greater return later.

Comment below where you see your anxiety shining through. I’d love to help give more ways to combat those negative traits.

*All information was sourced through The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J Bourne, PhD*

Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. You can find a therapist anywhere in the United States here. This post contains affiliate links. You can read my disclosure here.