Setting Healthy Boundaries During The Holidays

The holidays can be such a joyous occasion. Many times, the fellowship with family and friends, the food, and the festivities make this time of year so sweet. While all of those things can bring incredible blessings, setting healthy boundaries during the holidays are critical for making sure you don’t get lost in the shuffle.

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Unfortunetely, not all activities can be as joyous as we see in the movies. Sometimes family dinners, gift-giving, and unhealthy expectations can cause stress and emotional disstress.  As we partake in the festivities this upcoming holiday season, we to need to make sure we are protecting our mental health. Making sure that our bucket is filled allows us to fill other people’s bucket.

This is why I wanted to give you some tangible tools. Tools that you can start doing, today, to make sure that this holiday season you are not getting drained.

First, you need to figure out what you want to focus on. What is your priority for this holiday season? Is it family? Who do you consider in that family? Extended, just immediate? What about volunteering? Is serving at your local church or soup kitchen something you want to focus on. Figure out what that priority is.

Got it? Good.

Now, you need to take inventory of what is expected of you? Where are people wanting you to be? How long are they expecting you’ll stay? A couple days? A few hours? What’s the schedule looking like? How many Christmas parties have you been invited to? Write this all out on paper, pull out the calendar and take a look.

Once you’ve written down all your expectations, take a look and see how many of them honor your needs. Is the one friend party, the friends you don’t really even hang out with anymore, really honoring your time and your needs. Friend, it’s okay to say, “No!” They won’t be offended. If they are then that’s the kind of negativity you need to get away from so definitely say no to that party.

So, what is honoring your needs? Go through each item and ask yourself,

“Does this serve me? Am I doing this because it honors my needs or am I doing it because I feel obligated too?” 

Friend, I get it. That question is so hard to answer. Many times, the places we need to go don’t always serve us. Many times we dread going to those places because we know the negativity that will be filled. I get it. I really do.

So if you must go, how can you protect your mental health?

How can you make sure that when you walk into that negative space, or the crowds of people, that you don’t lose yourself by the end of the week?

You need to figure out a game plan. What is going to be your outlet for when you just need to take a moment away. Do you need to spend less time there? Maybe instead of the entire weekend you just stay for one night. It could also be the opposite, maybe the fellowship is so filling and fillls your bucket to the brim that adding an extra day or a couple more hours honors your needs.

What about the food commitment? This is the time where people get crazy with the baking and the cooking. If that is a time that doesn’t bring you joy, maybe you delegate to someone else. Ask for help. Are you planning the entire family meal by yourself? Ask a family member to bring a side or have them come early to help peel potatoes. It’s okay to ask for help. No one is going to think less of you for not making the cherry pie. Although, the apple crisp is a must! 🙂 Just kidding!

As you are figuring out your game plan speak to your significant other, or family, about it. If you’re single, then my friend you definitely can rock this out! Be communicative with the people in your life. For example, Preston and I discuss our game plans before we go to any event. Why? Because one I have anxiety and if I don’t have a game plan, it’s just not good for me. Self-awareness coming in hot! Also, because we both need to know how the other person feels about these events going on during this season.

By now, you should have a pretty solid game plan going on.

You’ve found your focus, took inventory of your obligations, decided which obligations to get rid of that didn’t serve you, and made a plan for the obligations that you need to attend, but don’t always fill your bucket.

Next, you need to find some time to keep your bucket filled. For example, if you need to go out of town for a long period of time maybe meet up with a close friend who can refill your bucket and give yourself a break from all the craziness that is the holidays. For me, I bring a book. This is my way of making sure I have an outlet. If things they a little touch and go, I know I can refresh with my latest novel or personal development book. Figure out some way you can take a breath. A great way could be to journal, you can grab my latest journal here  or maybe take a walk or listening to your favorite song or podcast.

Now, take away all the guilt. I know while you were reading this you went, “Faith, I can’t tell these people no. They invited me. It’s not polite.” Friend, can I just ask, “When did making everyone else happy and attending EVERY.SINGLE.PARTY. become the thing we did during the holidays?”

Why is filling our schedules more important than the fellowship at those parties?

Isn’t that the main point of the holidays? To get together with family and friends, in a positve way, and actually enjoy the time together. To actually talk to them about thier lives and the year they’ve just gone through. Also, to celebrate the birth of the Savior. If you’re at one party, constantly checking your watch to make sure you don’t miss the next party, later that night, is that really how you want to spend your day? Do you really want to spend your holiday stressed out, dealing with negativity constantly?

I pray that no is your answer.

Lastly, remember that there are going to be moments during this season that will not always sit well with you. A family member may pick a fight. Someone may something that you don’t agree with and they just won’t see your side. You need to remember that you chose how you respond in those situations. Are you helping that situation or are you making it worse? You choose how to interact. Are you being a postive light? Are you looking for the positive or are you finding any reason to get upset?

I pray that this holiday season you choose to see joy. You choose to set healthy boundaries, stick with them, and know that you control how your holidays will go. Finally, I pray that you remember the real reason for this season isn’t the work party, or the Ugly Sweater party, or even the family Christmas. No, my friend, it is to celebrate the birth of an incredible man who lived a perfect life and died on the cross all for you. Yes, you! I pray you remember that.

Blessings!

Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. You can find a therapist anywhere in the United States here. This post contains affiliate links. You can read my disclosure here.